And the Establishment spake all these words, saying,
I am the Orthodoxy, which have brought thee out of the land of Freedom and into the house of bondage.
Thou shalt have no other orthodoxies before me.
Thou shalt not think for thyself, neither shalt thou make thine own life choices.
Thou shalt not partake of the fumes of the noxious weed; for there is no more grievous sin on the face of the earth and it is an abomination unto the correct.
Thou shalt not indulge in the fermented juice of the grape or grain.
Thou shalt not look upon the meat when it is red, nor consume any form of fish, flesh or fowl.
Thou shalt consume thy allotted five portions of fresh fruit and vegetables each day.
Thou shalt receive without question the verities that have been laid before thee; such as Global Warming, Frankenstein foods and the holy ozone layer.
Thou shalt avoid contact with two hundred and sixteen substances declared in their wisdom by the elders of the temple of California to be carcinogenic or endocrine disrupting.
Thou shalt spend much of thy waking hours in the mindless exercise of thy body.
Honour thy Environmental Protection Agency and thy Center for Disease Control: that thy days may be long on the land that they have given thee. Then receive with gratitude thy just reward for the good life, which shall be many extra years of pain, dementia, incontinence and the benign neglect of a grateful nation.